Sweet Dreams

When I brought Evan home from the hospital, I fully expected to have to get up with him at night. I figured it would be no problem, after-all, as any pregnant lady can tell you, you have already been waking up to use the bathroom at least a gazillion times a night. I thought I would nurse him, and lay him in his cradle, and get to sleep for a few hours before getting up again.

Boy was I wrong. I would nurse him to sleep, swaddle him up, lay him down gently in his cradle, and crawl in to bed for some much needed shut-eye. I would start to drift to sleep, and suddenly, my poor little guy would be crying. I would look at the clock, thinking it can't possibly have been 2 hours already, and sure enough- I was right. Try 10 minutes.

It only took a few nights of this for me to realise that this was not going to work. It was at this time that I made the decision to co-sleep. Evan would still wake frequently, but it was more like every 1-2 hours instead of every 10 minutes. I grew to love having his soft warm little body pressed up against me, and sometimes I would wake up just to hear him breathe.

We originally said we would transition him to his crib when he was 6 months old, but that deadline came and went, and Evan was nowhere near being ready. And neither were we. The family bed was a place to cuddle, to read, to watch our baby grow.

Months past, and the little baby next to me grew. I remember when his feet would curl perfectly into the indent of my stomach as I lay on my side nursing him. Then suddenly, one day, his toes were kicking me were it counts and it seemed like maybe we were outgrowing the snuggling.

When Evan was about one, he started going to bed at 8:00 every night in his own room. He would wake at 11 or 12, and we would all go to bed for the night together. It was a perfect arrangement, that allowed Chris and I some alone time, while we were still able to meet Evan's night time needs.

Well, one night, about a month ago, I waited and waited for my boy to wake up so he could join us in bed. Finally, around 1 am, I got too tired to wait. Imagine my surprise when he didn't wake up until 7:30 the next morning! And so the end of an era was upon us. He will still sleep with us if he is sick, but more nights than not he sleeps through the night in his own room. And I miss him.

It is nice to have my bed back, but I had grown accustomed to those cuddles. It took a few weeks for me not to wake up listening for him every 2 hours. I felt so silly that I couldn't sleep through the night and he could.

I guess this is just the first of many steps towards independence that Evan will be taking. It is bittersweet, but I am glad that he made the transition on his own. Well, it is time for me to go to bed. I will try to stretch out and enjoy my space, but I think a tiny piece of me will always hold that spot for Evan, just in case.