Expectations
I read once that happiness is equal to how your reality compares to your expectations. Basically, if you have really high expectations, and reality is constantly falling short of them, you will be unhappy. If you have lower expectations and reality meets or exceeds them, you will be happy.
This idea makes sense to me, but it also puzzles me. If you have high expectations, are you doomed to a life of unhappiness? How can you lower your expectations without lowering your standards?
Mostly, I worry that my expectations are constantly too high. I think it has a lot to do with my love of details, and my visions of perfection. But it also happens in everyday situations. Take, for instance, Evan's doctor appointment yesterday.
I was so excited for it. I finally decided to make the switch from a large hospital based clinic where I never got to see the same person twice and always felt very much like a number, to a smaller family practice where I hoped things would be different.
In my head, they were. The doctor would treat Evan and I like family. We would talk about parenting and our ideas would be so similar. I wouldn't feel like I was on trial at every appointment. She would take the time to get to know me and she would show respect for my opinions even if she disagreed.
But as usual, my expectations were too far above reality. The office was nice, but still seemed large. Evan cried the whole appointment. The doctor was pleasant, but did get defensive about something when I presented an alternative view.
I left feeling unhappy. When I got home, I tried to evaluate. Was it really that bad? Or was it just that it wasn't as good as I had envisioned? The truth is probably the latter, which brings us right back to my dilemma with the happiness=expectations/reality equation.
If I really think about it, my reality IS happy. I have a wonderful husband, a healthy son, my own health. The list goes on. I guess I just need to find a new equation to measure with. Maybe the key is not to lower my expectations, but to simply appreciate my reality more. Maybe appreciation is the missing key. I will have to ponder this more.
The good news from the doctor's appointment is that Evan is healthy and thriving. He now weighs 23lbs 3 oz. (50%), is 30" tall (60%) and his head circumference is 19" (90%- he has a big brain!). He loves to flip through his story books, go through the cupboards (the kitchen is the latest area of choice) and since his birthday boogie- dance to whatever music is on. Evan really knows how to make his own happiness. I think I need to follow suit. If your happiness comes from within, there is not a theory or equation in the world that can touch it.
Another little bit of happiness- check this out! Does that picture look familiar?
8 comments:
Wow, I think I have something to ponder as well. Love your picture of Evan getting into the cabinet. Time to get the cabinet locks installed!
I just love reading your posts and feel like I'm hanging out with a buddy sharing stuff. I can TOTALLY relate. I build things up in my head - "this will be AWESOME" or "this is gonna stink BIG time." The result = needless stress, worry and disappointment. Perhaps you married someone who is like my husband who has such good PERSPECTIVE. I think that's really the key is keeping things in perspective. I pray that the Lord would give me wisdom to see the HUGE difference between big deals and "ahhh - fergetaboutit" kinds of things. So, I can relate. We picked a single doctor practice because I just knew this doctor would be the best and love us so much. He's nice and all but I'm not thrilled. We will at least have baby boy go to a bigger clinic because they have longer hours and an on-site lactation consultant which I really could have used with Jon David. Anyway, LOVED this post!
we LOVE that book!!! babycakes!!!!!!! :)
ps. RIGHT there with ya girl -- expectations are just preconcieved letdowns..... BUT reality is a much better place to live :) - i learned the hard way!
Once again, you have eloquently written something that I wonder about on an almost daily basis but cannot find the right words to write about it! I want to say that I am happy and content with life - but I sometimes I feel like I should strive for better things. I end up getting too stressed about it too.
The recipe for your carrot cake looks good!!!
Side note: I was so stressed out from the kids' birthday party that I totally forgot Ava's one year appointment this past monday! So now I have to wait until June 29th for her one year appointment and she'll almost be 13 months by then!!!
Andrea, you really are a good writer! I am also guilty of building things up in my head so much that it is almost impossible for reality to match it. I strive to find happiness in every day occurrences and I also count the blessings I have, but I am still sometimes disappointed. I am trying to learn from Jonathan, who can get immeseaurable pleasure from a stick, a ladybug or a container of bubbles. It's really too bad that we lose that easy, pure happiness as we get older!
Quite the thought provoking post. You are SO wise!!
I am so excited for you that your cake got posted on the website! You must be so proud!
Wonderfully said. Beautiful phots. And yeah on getting your photo on the website!!! DId you email it to him, or how did that come about?? Thanks for the "food for thought". Oh, I crack myself up.
I just love reading your blog. That is just so right. I am just like you and have high expectations, but when I sit back and look at my reality I realize it is pretty darn good. Thanks for always saying what the rest of us are thinking so perfect!
Love that you got your picture on that site. It was an awesome pic, so it deserves to be there.
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