It's Not Just a River in Egypt.
The countdown is on. My baby will be one in 5 days. I should be cleaning the house for all the out-of-town guests that are coming. I should be planning the food, baking the cake, buying decorations. I should at least be picking out a present for the birthday boy. But, I'm not. Because I am in major denial.
I think a part of me feels like if I just don't do anything- the day won't come. I can just freeze time simply by ignoring it. My baby will not, I repeat, not turn one. I don't care if I have to stick my head in the sand forever to keep it that way.
I feel foolish for being so emotional about this. It is only a birthday. Anyone who is not a mom just looks at me like I've sprouted a third eye when I tell them that I'm feeling sad about this upcoming milestone. I guess they just can't understand.
A year ago today, Evan was not even here yet. He was still just a dream in my belly. I could feel him kick, I longed to hold him, but I could not, no matter how hard I tried, know what it would be like to be a mother. To have a son. To wake up each and every day knowing that you created that beautiful little creature lying next to you.
The 40 weeks of pregnancy seemed to last forever, but since the moment Evan was born, time seems to have been going at warp speed. There is no way that it has been 12 months already. No way.
But it has. And I guess it is time that I shook the sand off my head and started to get things ready for this celebration. Because ready or not, here it comes...
10 comments:
My sister and I were just talking about the time discrepancy between pre- and post-baby. Time flies once they get here! We're about 2 months from Nathan's 1st birthday and I've been sad for months!
*hugs* Hang in there! Enjoy each day to the fullest.
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I know how you feel about the big birthday thing. I cried for a long time when Cam turned one. I sware...as son as he turned one...someone stole my "baby" and gave me a temper tantrum toddler too! But don't worry Andrea...all the fun is just about to begin...
Jonathan's first birthday was really hard for me, too, but I can give you a bright side--this second year has been AMAZING!! Every day Jonathan is doing something new or has a new word and it's incredible to see what a cool little person he has become. There are definitely some temper tantrums involved but there are also a lot of hugs and laughter and general silliness.
Good luck! Maybe other people don't understand how you feel but we mommies do!
I ma in denial too and Chloe is only 10.5 months old. I cannot believe how fast the past year has gone and everytime she does something new I want to cry! I can't wait to see birthday pictures!
No one said you had to be rationale about it. :) I think you are completely entitled to feel this way. Surprisingly, I did not struggle with this milestone though I expected to. Evan has such a great mommy who loves him so much! I just know that you will love this next year as much as you have this first one! Well done!!
It does get batter, but it doesn't mean you can't be sad that he is turning into a toddler. We feel ya. But, each day the love between you will grow, believe it or not, even more than it already has. You will continue to enjoy this next year and each year after. Children are blessings!!
Andrea, I wish I could stop time for you! I know how you feel. I didn't have time to get sad last year when Cameron turned one because I was busy bringing Ava home from the hospital. I am sad now because I think she might be our last one :-(. But I also agree with the comments above - the second year is just as much fun - when they start walking and talking and dicovering new things. Even is going to enjoy discovering new adventures!!!
I completely understand! I've been reading your blog for a while now but never commented. My little girl's birthdy is the 7th and I'm in total denial right there with you. I've only done the fun part of the planning which is the shopping. We can have a party but I'm not ready for her to be one! :-)
girl - you stole the post right out of my head!!!!!!!!! and on TOP of that -- we brought jackson to get his haircut yesterday... HE LOOKS SO BIG NOW!!!!! i was so sad - so sappy i know! but really - they are growing up WAY WAY too fast. how is it that time just FLIES these days?? remember when time seemed to stand still??? our 1 year olds aren't so little anymore.... :( hang in there -- we're right where you're at too!!! but i have to say - your little man is so freakin cute that it almost makes growing up okay ;) heheheh.....
Awww, I am sorry you are having a hard time with this! But like a few of the other girls said. It is SO worth it b/c the second year is just amazing!
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